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Thanks a lot, Trevante.

...they all seem to look for traffic solely on eth0. There IS no eth0 connection, just the pretend one it makes at boot. Now, is there a way to link up wlan0 and eth0 so that the ftp server/ssh/remote desktop/samba/etc work on wlan0 as well? The device is a USB wireless adaptor. Another thing, how w...

No, I've booted it several times when the clock was all screwy.
It's all good.
But you can't do any compiling with the clock being too far off.

And I googled "xmkmf", it looks like it's a command to make a file.

And according to THIS:
http://forums.gentoo.org/viewtopic.php?t=122430

some guy did:

emerge -K xfree

And now it was all peachy.
Try that, I guess.

I wish I had a pony...

EDIT: And some more coffee. I spent all night scavenging parts to make a HDD switch and IDE cable. And maybe some triple antibiotic ointment for my insomnia-caused soldering iron clumsiness.

It took well over 6 hours for me on a 1.5Mbit line. I went to bed around the 5 hour mark, so...
You're in for a loooooooong wait.

I dunno if you already tried this, but try the programs hotplug and coldplug.

You can get them both with "emerge".
Hotplug detects new devices and loads the drivers, Coldplug configures USB devices found during bootup.

Let's see...
Anything I'd need to do, according to that guide, requires recompiling the kernel.
How do I do that on gentoox?

It's
u: gentoox
p: xbox

OK, so far, I ran magic until it was out of updates. I installed the driver for the device and hotplug recognizes it, applies the driver, and sets it as wlan0. dmesg gets this: hub.c: new USB device 00:02.0-1.1, assigned address 6 usbdfu.c: Downloading firmware for USB device 6... at76c503.c: $Id: a...